It's Going Down, I'm Yelling Timber

The reason my title of this blog is lyrics from a Pitbll featuring Ke$ha song is that I am experiencing the downward of my curve of my exchange


Something you are told before you leave for exchange is the exchange student cycle:

This represents the lows and highs that, chances are, we will feel during exchange. I am feeling that I have come down from honeymoon and I am currently at the Conflict/Culture Shock stage. Basically I am at the low of the low right now. It's not that I'm not happy it's just there are time when I really truly miss being home, being with my friends, working, driving, and such.

Last night Fel asked us (for a friend)how we felt now here in Finland and Perry, an American here on exchange who is in Estonia said this and this just summarizes the feelings I am currently going through:

"I feel I'm not myself anymore. Both for better and worse.
I feel sick some days and I feel alone some days but it's so addicting to feel new and different, it's amazing.
I feel like a child
I feel like I can't do anything
I feel like nothing is holding me back
I know I could just go somewhere in this country and be back by dinner, yet I don't know what to do/feel confident enough
I feel like I'm in a dream, but one that I could get hurt in
I feel special, yet so insignificant
I feel like I need a hug but no, lost the desire for one. And plus that's not the culture
I feel like I have friends, but they arn't real friends
I feel so patriotic
I feel like I have no home
I feel cold and on my own
Yet then I see I have true friends and feel like I'm not alone
I feel like I could cry every day
I feel like I have no tears
I feel like I'm fucking up everything
I know I'm fucking everything up
Yet I feel like it doesn't matter
Yet I know this year is the most important thing to my life
I just feel different
Simple as that"


This past month has been great overall. I've changed families, I've gotten accepted to the college of my dreams, I explored a bit more of Finland, I've had Starbucks, I've grown.

Emmi, I, and Tuuli the day I changed families

Olivia and I

Emmi and I

Neea, Nora, and Veera

Emmi, I, and Neea

Helsinki Cathedral

My 2nd Host Family and I

Halloween isn't very much celebrated here so Charline and I went to Helsinki walked around a bit and went to a party at Hard Rock Cafe. I did get a bit homesick during this time, as nothing was festive there were no Halloween decerations nor any Halloween movies playing during October. It was just more or less a regular day.

This upcoming month includes Thanksgiving and my Rotary Trip to Lapland, I am very excited for these things but I know also that I will feel a bit homesick on Thanksgiving. 

Until next time, 

Hailey